Like all good magicians, Buckethead and his team of Bucketheadland engineers are notoriously tight-lipped about the secrets of their magical theme park, even to those of us who work here at bucketheadland.com. But like with Willy Wonka and his Golden Tickets, we are allowed every so often an all too brief glance behind the curtain.
At last, Buckethead has graciously allowed us to conduct this lengthy interview with Bucketheadland "carnage-ineer" and Haunted Farm expert Charles L. Furston, offering a rare behind-the-scenes glimpse into one of the park's most celebrated attractions.
MUSEUM: You were one of the main designers of The Haunted Farm...
CHARLES FURSTON: I did a lot of the concept art, yes, for the original version. I also worked in the modeling department, some molding. And I had various jobs during most of the rehabs. So you could say it's my baby (laughs). No, that's not true, but I'm very proud to be a part of this attraction.
Designing the stuff is my favorite part, drawing something and then bringing it to life. There is no class system in Bucketheadland so we all have to do the dirty work too. Miscellaneous stuff around the park, like manufacturing handles, roll bars, seats and stuff like that. Drywall, concrete, fiberglass. I do a lot of skin pours for the different characters, airbrushing, staining their costumes, repairing their heads.
M: So you do some maintenance work...
CF: Yes, but I prefer the creative side of the job. I don't like having to respond to 101 calls, which is when a ride is broken and needs to be closed for the day. Sometimes I let it slide. It's kind of depressing when you spend a day putting in tiles or cleaning up puddles of blood or something. The good times, the real busy creative times are like May through October, when we are preparing for Halloween. There is a lot of design, a lot of building new characters. No time to keep things in operating order, really. You just keep building ride on top of ride.
The Haunted Farm doesn't need as much maintenance as a lot of the other rides. Leatherface's Castle gets a lot of wear and tear, walls getting torn up and what not. Giant Robot, you have to mold a lot of new robots. But Haunted Farm, not that much.
M: How do you go about repairing something? Let's say the grieving hens are worn out -
do you have backup hens?
CF: We have pictures of everything on file, and artwork, negatives, color guides for reference. But we don't keep molds. If a character needs replaced, we make a mold from the existing character. With the hens, we pluck 'em, cut 'em apart like a real chicken, stitch what's left of 'em together, and make a mold from that. We never keep the molds, that way the more times we replace them the more messed up and deformed they start to look. Like a copy of a copy of a copy, you know. As far as machinery, if we need some part, we have cars and buses and stuff buried in the backlot, and of course the cemetery has old rides from other amusement parks. Sometimes you just start digging and you'll find something you need, or you'll get a new idea. Like one time I found some melted pigs, I think they were the three little pigs from some old fairy tale ride that burned down somewhere (laughs). So I had those guys in the Farm for a while.
M: What kind of input does Buckethead have in the design of the rides?
CF: Well, frankly... to be honest, I mean I couldn't tell you. Not that it's a secret. The guy is kinda weird... it's not really-- I don't think he talks or anything. He plays with puppets and stuff. Sometimes he writes notes to us.
M: About...?
CF: He comes up with most of the ideas for the rides. But the notes don't always make sense. Sometimes he draws pictures. Actually, sometimes he comes in with the guitar...
M: He records all the music, right?
CF: He records all the music, yeah, but I mean sometimes he comes in and starts playing while you're building - it kind of gets the point across, what he wants you to-- I mean it's hard to-- I don't know how to explain it.
M: What's the deal with that Buckethead scarecrow thing in the front?
CF: What I've been told, they actually found that thing somewhere in New York I believe when they were filming the "Animal Behavior" video. They didn't make it, it was just there, but it looks like Buckethead. Kinda creepy. As far as I know the one here is the original.
To me, when you first step onto the property is the real beginning of the ride. It's not just the track and scene layout that makes it great. The line queue at Haunted Farm is the best in the park in my opinion, because of details like that scarecrow. The dead dog, the barb wire and everything... A lot of people say the slaughterhouse you go through is very realistic and get a kick out of it. I don't know if they would enjoy it as much if they knew it was real.
M: What kind of advice would you give for someone who wants to design rides for Bucketheadland?
CF: (laughs) I'm probably the wrong person to ask! I didn't really pursue this. I was just kinda in the right place at the right time.
M: How's that?
CF: Well yeah, it's a funny story actually. I was driving on highway-- I think it was-- no, I don't want to say what highway it was, but anyway it's late at night, I see Buckethead on the side of the road thumbing it, right? And you have to understand, I had never heard of this guy. He's got the white mask, the bucket on his head, he looks like a freak. I'm like - who the fuck is this guy?
But I picked him up. I think he wanted to scare me. He's got this tape recorder, playing all these weird sound effects or something, and... I mean, I don't know if you've met him, but he's kind of a weird guy. The way he breathes through that mouth hole... anyway, I tried to keep a straight face and I did a u-turn and took him in the opposite direction of where he wanted to go. I drove way out into the middle of this field and just slammed on the brakes. And I just turned to him and I just started laughing, you know? So then I've got him out in the middle of nowhere, and you have to understand I'm in pretty good shape so he's going to have a hard time running away, right?
I'm sorry, this sounds kind of bad, doesn't it? (laughs) But I swear I wasn't going to do anything. Anyway, long story short, he hired me to design rides, and next thing I know I'm working on Haunted Farm.
M: So... it must be a fun group of people you're working with then.
CF: (laughs) Yeah, yeah if you want to call it that. I mean, yeah, there's a certain sense of humor among the people that work here. A lot of practical jokes, I guess. Tying people's ankles together with pig intestines, that kind of thing. Yeah, I don't know -- like there was a guy who kept making these animatronic characters that were just spectacular. I mean, the proportions, the facial expressions - these things were incredible. Everybody was in awe of this guy's work. But the thing was, a lot of us were joking about it, because these things smelled just horrible.
M: Oh no.
CF: Yeah, I think you know where this is going, yeah -- we found out there was corpses inside the things. And the smell of course was the rotting, uh--
M: Oh god.
CF: Yeah, I know. I know. It didn't seem funny at the time though, actually, but looking back on it... I mean, he had us going for a while
there. I have to admit. But fortunately, when we found out what the smell was coming from we were able to shoot some formaldehyde into those sumbitches. You can still smell it if you're looking for it but I've never heard of a customer complaint.
M: Who is your favorite HF character?
CF: Hmmm. That's tough. I like the crying slunk. I also like the Buckethead where you can see his intestines hanging out. That is a very nice figure, the finger movements look very realistic in my opinion.
M: You told me on the phone that you consider The Haunted Farm dangerous.
CF: That's-- yes I did.
M: Because sometimes the cars go off the tracks...
CF: No no no no! That's not-- don't put words in my mouth. I did not say that.
M: But it's well known that sometimes--
CF: Well if it's well known then you don't need me to talk about it, do you? I was not talking about the ride being dangerous, I was--
M: What were you talking about then?
CF: If you would let me finish--
M: I'm sorry.
CF: Oh you're sorry? That's just beautiful. I love that. "I'm sorry."
M: I am sorry.
CF: Yeah, you are sorry, real sorry. And god damn rude. But, uh, I was talking about making the ride, making the ride was dangerous.
M: (voice cracks) Interesting. How's that?
CF: Well first of all, I didn't think the buildings were structurally sound. A lot of the wood was crumbling, or soggy and eaten up. One side of the windmill was propped up on an old arm bone, I swear to god. I hope whosever it was drank a lot of milk! Anyway, I'm surprised the roof didn't collapse on us when we were laying the tracks in there. It was always creaking... I hated it under there.
M: But you fixed it up for the ride?
CF: What? No. But I figure if it hasn't fallen yet... The other problem we had was just a co-worker kind of thing. I mean, I don't want to name any names, because I think most of these guys are still alive. I mean, I know for a fact that at least half of them are still alive. These guys -- some of these guys are real psychos.
M: Do you have an example of--
CF: Of course I have a fucking example you little twerp. I'm gonna bring it up and not have an
example?
M: I'm sorry, go ahead.
CF: You're not sorry. You're not sorry. Guys like you, I'm 'bout ready to cut your-- See, look at this. Let me show you something...
M: (Stands up) Hey, no. Whoah, man, hold it. I'm sorry. I better leave.
CF: No no no no, come on now. No, it's okay. I won't hurt you.
M: I'm gonna leave.
CF: No, please don't leave. Please? Don't leave, man. I said I won't hurt you.
M: Do you promise?
CF: I promise I won't hurt you.
M: Put that away then.
CF: Come on bro.
M: Put that away or I'm leaving. I'm not doing the interview with you waving that around.
CF: Okay okay. Jesus, calm down. It's gone. (Clears throat) So... I don't know what we were talking about. But yeah, I've done a lot of construction work, different freelance stuff at different parks and what not, carnivals, but you don't usually-- I mean the caliber of guys at this park... I'm not criticizing it. They do some truly brilliant work. I don't think it's on purpose but Buckethead attracts a lot of people that are a little... I guess a little questionable mentally if you know what I mean. But if they were more sane they wouldn't be able to come up with some of this stuff.
M: That makes sense.
CF: What, you didn't expect it to?
M: No, I...
CF: Shut your cakehole city boy.
M: I'm sorry.
CF: Who the fuck is being interviewed here? You or me?
M: I don't--
CF: Yeah yeah yeah. Shut up. Don't cry. Ask me another question.
M: Uhhh... (fumbles nervously through notes) Why is the Haunted Farm listed in a directory of haunted houses?
CF: Why do you think?
M: Because it's haunted?
CF: Excellent. Next question.
M: No, come on.
CF: Because it's haunted, yes.
M: But obviously, you said you did molding for the ride. Obviously there are certain animatronic--
CF: Certain animatronics, yes there are certain animatronics. I'm certain there are animatronics.
M: I don't--
CF: Okay, let me lay it down for you. The exploding pig is animatronic. Some of the chickens are animatronic. There's a Buckethead in there that's animatronic. But I've gone on that ride many times, and I -- I mean, I know that ride pretty fucking well, because I basically built the fucking thing, I mean, pretty much. I know it like the back of my hand like they say -- but then I ride on it and there are things I know nobody ever put in there. There was a pig bleeding out of its eyes... a chicken head that was sort of singing this, you know, like a banshee song... one time there was an old dead woman in a rocking chair and chickens were eating worms out of her skin... I know I never made anything like that.
You have to understand, this is a real barn, this a real coop. There is a history here. We added our own things, yes, but there is no-- I don't want to say too much, but yes, most of the stuff you see in there is-- I mean, I don't go on that ride anymore, let's put it that way.
M: Just one more question before you--
CF: Okay, but hold on just one second. Just... just a moment, please.
M: Okay.
At this point, Mr. Furston wandered away. We waited for more than an hour before giving up on his return.
