As you know, Bucketheadland has been the source of a great deal of controversy regarding safety and health issues. You may have heard that we failed our health inspections again due to annual increases in the amount of maggots found in the Cemetery corpses. We are proud to announce that the maggot crops have been reduced by 25% and we are now permitted to sell certain types of candy in some areas of the park under strictly controlled circumstances. We have already begun discussing plans to cut down on spider eggs and pinworms in the kitchens.

There has also been some noise in the local media and in the amusement park industry quarterlies about the safety of our rides, which have been known to fall apart or go rogue from time to time. It is true that the rides sometimes go off the tracks, but we assure you that they generally come back. Rides do tip over or come unhinged on occasion, but we firmly believe that the threat of this happening is part of the thrill our visitors are looking for. Fortunately, there havebeen few reported injuries  or deaths. If the rides do malfunction, our crack team of volunteer mechanics will be notified within the hour. Believe me, the last thing we want is for some kid to get his head chopped off when he doesn't want to. Those things don't usually grow back.

At any rate, our most dangerous rides are contained in the Slaughter Zone so if you're picky about how many limbs you have then stay out.

If there is a legitimate fear to harbor about Bucketheadland it probably involves the unsavory sorts who mill around here. Believe me, for every regular kid or robot there are a handful of nuts that would make Edwin Neal or Chopper seem like the boyfriend your mom wishes you would bring home for dinner. Even the employees are not safe so quit complaining to us.

What you really don't need to worry about is the wicked robots who sometimes make surprise appearances courtesy of Slipdisc. Buckethead knows how to handle them. And don't sweat the supernatural stuff either. Use common sense and you should be safe. Sometimes apparitions and spectres will try to scare you away. Walls bleed, windows scream and tears drip from faucets. Do not bargain with objects or listen to animals, because if they are possessed they cannot be trusted.

The bottom line is this: don't be afraid if you see something spooky. Sometimes a gorey head stump can mean good luck. Do you really believe all that nonsense about rides being cursed and haunted? I mean come on.

Seriously though, leave the chickens alone. This is not a joke.

NEXTHOME